Friday, September 2, 2016

Lately + The Truth = Postpartum

As the cliche saying goes... time flies and I can't believe it's already been a little over a month since Mason was born! The days have certainly been long and some have been more challenging than others. Without sounding like I'm throwing a pity party... I have to admit... I've been riding the hot mess express daily. My fears and anxiety that I had during my pregnancy have come to real life. Mommin' ain't easy. As a matter of fact, I believe it's the most physically and emotionally exhausting job on the planet.

I've been trying to write this post for weeks now. But I can't always seem to find the right words. (Plus, I choose to spend all my free time napping.) I've thought about not even documenting these moments because I probably don't ever want to recall them. But, this is our life and that's what this little place is all about. Even the imperfections and the struggles. So here's a little truth as to what postpartum life has been like for our newly family of four!

++ The truth is that this adjustment to having two under two is HARD. Having a newborn is hard enough in itself (which I apparently forgot about...what was I thinking??!). Add a toddler and living alone to the mix... insert insanity.

++ Mason has reflux. Which means he eats. Cries. Spits it all up. Cries some more. Eats again. Repeat. Around the clock. I'm LUCKY if he sleeps for an hour somewhere in between his miserableness. Typically, the sleep only happens if I hold him. Yes, that means I co sleep often. Yes, I know that's a big no no. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. Judge away. 

++ The second day in the hospital was rough. Rough as in, I cried three times. Wasn't I supposed to be melting in pure joy over my newborn still?! Wth. My nipples were raw from breast feeding and we didn't get much sleep through the night. My pain meds from the spinal had wore off and I was now rotating motrin/tylenol every 3 hours. Oh, and still gushing blood with every movement.

++ We left the hospital on the third day. I was definitely ready to go home. Especially so I could see Remington. Being away from her for 3 days had me in tears. Did you know a cesarean incision has multiple layers? Such as layers of stitches through your muscle, skin, fat, and outer layer of skin. Yikes. Right before I left, they removed the staples on the outer layer and put on some "tape" that was to stay there until it fell off on it's own. Imagine how good that felt ripping off 2 weeks later....

Discharged from the hospital 8.3.16

++ Adding another car seat to the back seat of the pickup sure does make things seem packed back there! Unfortunately, Remington's car seat didn't fit in the backseat of the pickup rear facing, so she got promoted to forward facing. Judge away.

First ride with both babies 8.3.16

++ Apparently because of a c section, it can take your milk longer to come in because your body is busy focusing on healing the cesarean incision. (Why didn't anyone tell me that last time?!) Therefore, the first week was a week from hell waiting for my milk to come in. For those who don't know about breast feeding, the way to bring your milk in, is for the baby to nurse as often as possible. Which was non stop around the clock. Literally. I would sit and nurse him for an hour at a time. Then we would get a short nap before he nursed again. Did I mention my nipples were raw?!

++ I couldn't tell you how many times I've said I was going to throw in the towel for BF. Hundreds. Daily. Especially that first week. Heck, I still say it. Breast feeding is HARD. Thankfully, my cousin Ashley and my sweet friend Cara, kept checking on me and encouraging me when I was struggling. Here's an article about the truth of the first 48 hours of BF. This made me realize I was not alone.

++ Michael had a total of 8 days off work. Which flew by and wasn't nearly enough. He spent his days entertaining Remington, doing housework, and making us all food while I spent my days resting up and taking care of Mason. I cried when he left. Heck, I still cry every week when he leaves for work. The struggle is real.

++ My Aunt was throwing away some furniture and since ours is still in storage (in the bottom/back of the unit) we decided to take it for the time being. It may not be the nicest, but having a few things in the house makes it seem a little more like home. I mean, having a couch to sit on is a plus too. ;)

++ My sister, Jasmine, came over to help quite a bit. I think it was 9 days total. She was so much help and Remington loved having her here. I cried when she left. True story. Thanks hormones.

++ Due to the CS, I wasn't supposed to pick Remington up for 2 weeks. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT WAS???! It broke my heart when she would put her arms up and just want me to hold her! I may have broken that rule a few times because I just couldn't handle it.

++ I've been alone with two babies under two since day 11 postpartum (with some exceptions of help here and there and Michael home on the weekends). Can you say insanity?? I cry all. the. time. Literally just cried this morning. True story.

++ By some small miracle, I managed to get newborn announcements made (DIY via PicMonkey) and mailed out. In efforts to cut costs I decided to send to only family and a small group of friends. Most people are on social media anyways. #imcheap




++ I've left the house 4 times. Only one of those times I was alone with both kids. It was a nightmare. I'm not sure I ever want to leave the house again.

++ People are constantly saying "I don't know how you do it!" Well folks.. I'm not sure either. Most days I feel like a horrible Mom. But I guess, we're all fed and alive so that counts for something. I don't get dressed. I don't wear makeup. I'm lucky if I get a 5 minute shower while one baby cries. Don't ask me the last time I washed my hair. Ain't nobody got time for that.

++ Mom guilt is real. And it's painful. Prior to having Mason, I spent my days revolved around Remington. Now, my days are revolved around Mason and it makes my heart ache to have to put Remi aside so often. She is constantly pulling my finger to take me somewhere, bringing me books to read, or begging to go outside. I know she won't remember these times, but it still upsets me. I definitely cherish the solo time I have with my sassy girl.


++ How does Remington do with the new baby? Well, she really hasn't had much interest in him. Slowly she's starting to talk to him and touch him more often. She definitely knows "baby Mason" and "baby brother" if you ask her about him. She also tends to get jealous of whoever is holding him. One thing I think is so funny/cute is when Mason cries, she gets really close to him and laughs at him. :)


++ The postpartum body... It's like I'm back in the awkward stage of pregnancy where you can't really tell if I'm pregnant or just have beer belly. Oh the joy's.

++ I'm still bleeding from delivery! As if having a weekly period isn't bad enough, we're off and punished with a never ending one after giving birth. I had to send Michael to the store twice to pick up panty liners for me. What a guy. ;)

++ I'm SO thankful for my healthy babies, but I have to admit... I am bummed that this is the second year in a row I won't be able to enjoy much hunting. Due to the c section, I probably won't be able to pull my bow back anytime soon. Not to mention that I'm barely getting any sleep, so I don't think I'll be waking up before sunrise to go sit in a stand. There's always next year!

++ I finally got the courage to take both kids outside by myself for the first time in a month! I put Mason in the ergo and hoped for the best. It felt so good to get some fresh air and to see Remington in all of her glory. She absolutely loves it outside!
9.1.16

All in all, we are adjusting to the best of our ability. It's not easy by any means. But we will get through it. If your wondering what you can do to help during these difficult times, I ask that you please say some prayers for our family. Prayers for strength, patience, and most importantly - the sale of our home. Preferably before winter so we don't have to dig through the storage unit and unpack more boxes ;) 


9 comments:

  1. You are one amazing woman, no matter what you think! I'm so sorry to hear that this month has been so challenging for you and your family-it breaks my heart. Sending prayers over now that God sends the right buyers your way, along with some peace and strength.

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  2. Julie, you are doing an AMAZING job with those babies! You are going to feel like a crazy woman, and that's ok (and SO normal)! My girls are 15, 13 and 10 and I broke down this weekend because I feel like I never have time to do the things I used to when I stayed home full time. Don't give in to the mom guilt, as hard as that is, it's not worth your time. Just focus on one hour at a time, I have been praying for you... :)

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  3. This is so raw and I know the emotions all too well. In my eyes, you're killing it! You may not always feel like it, but you are! (Especially for us with men that have crazy schedules) I say it time again bit I do wish we lived closer! In the meantime, sending thoughts and prayers and care packages haha love ya girl!!!!!

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  4. You are amazing - don't ever forget that! I can't even imagine how challenging it is to have two babes under two, and when you are by yourself the majority of the days! I know from my friend's experience that the emotions and hormones are all over the place for awhile so don't get down on yourself! You are finding your new "normal" and new routine...and it think it is great to get out the house when you can, even if it is just outside in the sunshine. I know I'm far away, but here if you need anything lady - you got this! ;) xx

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  5. Girl, you are doing a great job! I've had a hard enough time adjusting to one, I can't imagine having a toddler to chase after too. And I can totally relate the postpartum body. I still have 20 lbs to lose. 😢 And panty liners are a must! Hope you enjoy your week at the camper!

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  6. I literally pray for the sale of your house every night when I go to bed. Hang in there Momma, your doing great!!!

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  7. screw everyone who judges you about co-sleeping. you have to do what you have to do. what would those judgers have you do? let your baby scream and neither of you get any sleep? i'd bet you'd make great decision on even less sleep than you are already getting. screw that. sleep anyway you can. i am sorry he has reflux. poor babe, and poor you.
    i know i know nothing about being a parent, but you can only do so much, and i think you're amazing. is there a test you have to pass, or a list of things you must do to certify as a good mother? of course not. you do you, being fed and alive is nothing to sneeze at ;) i really hope things somehow settle down for you soon, but until then, don't be so hard on yourself. you are a great mother.
    hope your house sells!

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  8. Going from one to two is HARD. We have six kids and the transition from one to two was by far the most brutal. I hear you on the inadvertent co-sleeping (we did that this time around, as #6 was either nursing or crying for the first month of his life and I needed to sleep sometime.)

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  9. Well it sounds like you are doing an amazing job, lady!! I only have one - a 15mo old - so I can't relate - but I love reading posts like these to prepare myself for the next one. haha.

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