Thursday, February 2, 2017

What if I change my mind?

Michael and I are taking a little get away soon... just the two of us. For the first time in years - 674 days to be exact. I'm excited to get away... But, what if I change my mind? 

Since we gave birth to our daughter in March 2015... we've had three nights away with just the two of us. Just for the record those three nights were:
1) July 31st - the night before my scheduled c section
2) August 1st - the day I gave birth to our son
3) August 2nd - the second day of hospital recovery after ML's birth

My point is that those three days/nights aren't really considered "fun" or "quality time" as husband and wife... yes we've had occasional "dates" alone to the grocery store or out to eat. But that is not the same as an enjoyable overnight trip. Well... I assume based on pre-kids. 😏

I'll be honest, some days I'm at my wits ends with these kids. But I've always had a hard time leaving them. Whether it was when R was an only child or since I've become a mom to two under two. Sometimes I feel guilty for leaving them even if it's for 2 hours to take a trip to the grocery store kid free. I find myself rushing back home because I feel guilty that I left them. I don't stop wondering what they are doing or if they took a nap okay without me there to put them to sleep. Or if they miss me like I miss them. (I know, I sound insane)

When I found out my Mom and Greg were doing the Grace snowmobile ride again this year, I thought I'd mention it to Michael. It would be good for us to do something as husband and wife like we used to. We haven't rode our sleds in years due to me being pregnant the last two winters. I used to go riding on this trail ride with my friend Greg years ago and it was always so much fun. Michael's never went before, so I thought it would be a good opportunity to go. (Throw that budgeting goal out the window... whoops)

I mentioned it to Michael and he seemed interested. I was worried about committing to the event because what if I change my mind? After weeks of pondering... we took the plunge and registered for the ride. To say that I have had anxiety about this trip is an understatement...

What if we paid for the registration and as the trip approached I decided I couldn't leave the kids?

What if I miss my kids so terribly that I need to go home?

What if Remi won't go to bed without me tucking her in?

What if ML gets used to a bottle and doesn't nurse anymore? (I'm okay with this fear now that he's becoming a biter)

What if ML won't sleep because he's used to co-sleeping with me and I'm not here? (judge if you will)

What if I change my mind and I'm four hours away?

Don't even get me started on the fears I have of something going wrong while I'm gone.

Long story short, I'm leaving my babies for the first "real" time overnight. Three nights to be exact. On the plus side, Michael and I will get to focus on each other for a change and I'll maybe get some sleep (that is if I don't stay awake thinking/worrying about my babies).

Keep me/us in your thoughts and prayers if you don't mind.... and send wine. 😊

When was the first time you left your child(ren) overnight? Was it worth it?! Just say yes. 😉


  1. Oh honey, you and Michael will have an amazing time! The kiddos will be just fine, trust me! I just wrote a post about how I need to stop worrying ahead of time when there is nothing to worry about!! Kids are resilient, they won't fall apart because you aren't there. I have found that my kids ate and slept WAY better when I wasn't there, lol! When Alayna was a baby, she NEVER EVER slept through the night, but if she was with my mom, she slept no problem. Little stinker. Remember that you and Michael need that time together too, to remember just why you feel in love....HAVE FUN!!!

  2. I'm not quite sure what you're feeling, but I know that my sister had the same anxiety the first time she left her kids - even just one (she has three) I think this time away will be so good for you guys and just think of how fast time passes - those 3 days will go by in a flash! xo, Biana -BlovedBoston

  3. You got this lady! It is good for you to have some "you" time and some alone time with your hubby ;) I know it will be hard, but just go for it and I'm sure in the end you will have a great time!! xx

  4. I'm hoping that list you were typing up will help and put your mind at ease! With everything you have going on I do believe this little escape is way overdue!

  5. well, i am behind on blogging so i know you went, and i hope it was a fabulous time for you.

  6. I hope you had a great time! I've only left Baker one night so far and it was only for a few hours while we were setting up for our yard sale fundraiser for Rwanda. I'm starting to feel like I need a night though. How do you feel now that you've done it?

  7. I've come to think of those overnight stays in the hospital with newborns as vacation, too! And when you consider that the older kids are home with grandma/dad/whoever, they kind of are!