Thursday, July 13, 2017

11 Months with ML

This is not your average monthly update about a sweet baby... and I hope if your reading this you aren't here to judge me nor pitty me. I like to be open and honest and I like to talk about real life and sometimes real life is not sunshine and rainbows, right?! Especially real life with babies... because unfortunately... they don't come with a handbook! With that being said, not all babies are angels. Not all babies sleep. Not all motherhood journey's are a cakewalk! Maybe you can relate?!

In contrary to all the happy posts I share on social media, I'll be the first to tell you the reality of my experiences with babies and motherhood. The struggle is reaaaal.  My life is far from perfect and my child is rarely as happy as he appears. #truestory 

So yeah, about this guy. He's adorable most of the time (at this moment because I just fed him a snack and I was singing silly songs). He's 11 months old already. I can't really say "already" because I admit, it's been the longest 11 months of my life.

Mason's face in this next pic... 😂 "oooh.... she's talking about me 😒 ..." Yeah, Bubba... I'm talking about you! Little stinker. 

In his 9 month update, I talked about his diagnosis and some of our struggles up to that point. To sum it up, ML has some severe food allergies that have caused him some serious discomfort and inability to eat or sleep like most babies do. Once we learned of his allergies and adjusted his diet accordingly, he improved 110%. However, he still struggles to be consistently happy. He cries for what seems like 75% of the day and this Mama has been riding the struggle bus for what feels like an eternity!

Sleep: He is a very restless sleeper. Between naptime(s) and bedtimes, it's a never ending battle. I am up with him several times a night. I often get so frustrated that I just bring him to my bed which doesn't get me any more sleep because all he does is cry and flop around like a fish out of water. He doesn't nap well either. Since he doesn't get much sleep he takes 3 naps a day. Each time he needs a nap it takes me a good 30-60 minutes to get him to sleep. He screams, throws himself on the ground, rolls around on the ground, and flops around like a fish out of water. Half the time, I'm not sure who is more exhausted - him or I. 

Eating: Due to his allergies, he can only eat fruits, veggies, and meats. He pretty much eats 100% organic and I've made all of his baby food up until 2 months ago to ensure he was getting pure organic foods. He never sits in his chair to eat for longer than 5 minutes. Absolutely refuses. Screams bloody murder. Which means you know damn well his belly is not full. So is he miserable all day because he's always hungry? Or is he miserable because he ate something that makes his belly upset?? Beats me. The biggest struggle is that he always wants what big sister has. Which is not gluten or corn free. But let's be honest, when we're driving in the pickup and he's screaming for an hour, I just tell Remi to give him a piece of the damn snack. #sanity 

Car rides: I loathe putting the kids in the pickup. Since my anxiety has gotten better, I do leave the house much more often... however I still dread it. ML screams the entire time. High pitch bloody murder screaming! I'm not sure if it's because he's uncomfortable or if vehicle rides make him not feel good or if he's just high maintenance?! I try to arrange all trips out of the house around his nap schedule and quite often that only makes the situation worse. Sometimes I wonder if all kids are like this and then I think, ha, yeah right! 

Personality: He's very timid. He doesn't like crowds, loud noises, or strangers. Take him from his Mama and his scream will pierce your ears. The holistic doctor said that due to his discomfort and complications for so long, that it may have caused him some anxiety which is why he is scared so easily and so timid. 

Mama's Feelings: I feel completely defeated in this journey of motherhood. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond thankful for my babies and I could never ever imagine life without them. However, I feel that the experience that I've had with this little guy is far from the normal that we hear/see other Mom's talk about. I'll be honest, I've been one of those Mom's that has wished for time to pass. I'm always looking forward to the future with hopes that the future will be better. It probably doesn't help that I am a single Mom except for 4-8 days a month when Michael is home. I don't get a daily break. I don't get a weekly break for that matter. I don't have a husband that takes turns waking up with the screaming child. Needless to say, I've worn myself down to a thin wire and some days I'm barely getting by. Just when I think the days have got to start getting better, they get worse. Send help. And wine. 😏  

In all seriousness, I've longed to be a Mom for as long as I can remember. I want to be the best Mom I possibly can for my kids. I love my kids beyond measure and it breaks my heart to see Mason so unhappy so often. Not only does it upset me to see him so uphappy, but it also makes me feel like I am doing something wrong. Like I said before, I'm not sharing my story for pitty, I just like to be honest! Maybe another Mom is reading this that can relate on some level?! Maybe another Mom is reading this that has been through something similar and can give me some advice?! Or maybe another Mom is reading this and counting her blessings because her child(ren) is an angel! 😜

Stats: 22lbs + 30" (according to home measurements a few weeks ago)

Doing: Waves, points at things/people he wants, claps, and climbs everything.

Says: Bubba, Dada, Ball, Woof, and for the first time just this week he now says Mama!

Nicknames: Bubba, Chub Chub Boy, Hungry Hippo, Bubba Chubba

Loves: Mama, Sissy, Blankie

Teeth: 6th one on it's way through!


  1. Man, he is s cutie! I'm so sorry it's been so hard for you. It's totally ok to be honest about it, and that doesn't make you a bad mom. I know you love your kids :) But it's hard to never get a break! I will be praying M starts being less fussy so you can relax and get some sleep! Feel free to email me and vent any time. I don't want you to feel like you're all alone!

  2. First of all, I don't know how your kids can ever get any cuter, then you post more pics, lol!!! I wish I had some good answers for you hun, but I don't. Just know that you have been such an active mama, trying to get answers for him. All of my suggestions, you've tried. Emma had reflux from birth to about a year and cried if ever I left her or wasn't in eyesight. It was so frustrating, however I had Brad to help. Just know that I'm praying that his stomach will start to heal so he can start feeling better. You are such an amazing mama!!

  3. I'm so sorry you are having to go through all this...I wish I had all the magical answers to give you! Still praying that your house sells soon (isn't it under contract??) and you can at least be with Michael during the week to get a break! I'm always here to listen, if that helps!

    In other news, he is the cutest little fella around!

  4. Hi! My daughter was like this too, if she was awake she would scream. And I mean scream her head off. There were days I would have numerous breakdowns over it and thought I was a terrible mom for wanting time to pass and for her to grow out of this. We ended up having her on prescription formula which made her so much better, but by any means not perfect. But we took what we could get. Thankfully she has been much better since being on real food, so I cant help you with that - sorry! But I keep telling myself "everything is a phase". The screaming, the neediness, the hating the car, the miserable child. Good luck getting through it! And hopefully things get better for you! Those eyes of his are gorgeous!

    1. Hi Mel! I'd love to reply to your comment but your profile is set up as a no reply blogger!

  5. Ohhh ML - I can't believe how blonde he's getting and how is he 11 months? I hope you get some better answers soon so that he can improve! Praying for sanity on your end and peace on his! Love ya'll! xo

  6. Praying for you!!!! My daughter is the worst sleeper. Sometimes ( I mean very rare) she will give me a full nights sleep but more often than not she is up multiple times until I bring her in bed so she won't wake up her brother and then I'm up all night because she moves like crazy. Motherhood is not easy. It's messy it's crazy it's exhausting and most days we just survive just know your doing your best and that's all you can do!

  7. I know that thing with the eating just too well. I cannot breastfeed, so I need to stick with formula. I am now using the one by Hipp ( this one right here) and it seems as if he is more okay with it than with the others. At least he is calmer than he was before. But I know your struggle!